Day 12. On the beat
Delivered today ...
Twelve drummers drumming, 12@$2629.90 (up 3.0%% on 2010), eleven pipers piping, 11@2427.60, ten Lords-a-leaping, $4766.70, nine ladies dancing, 9@$6296.03, eight maids-a-milking, 8@$58, seven swans-a-swimming, 7@$6,300, six geese a' laying, 6@$162.00, five gold rings, 5@$645.00, four calling [colly] birds, 4@$519.96, three French hens, 3@$150, two turtle doves, 2@$125 and a partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99. Total cost $2,295,256.00
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
5th January
Sir
Our client, Miss Emily Wilbraham, instructs me to inform
you that with the arrival on her premises a half-past seven
this morning of the entire percussion section of the
Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra and several of their friends
she has no course left open to her but to seek an injunction
to prevent your importuning her further. I am making
arrangements for the return of much assorted livestock.
I am, Sir, Yours faithfully,
G.CREEP
Solicitor-at-law
Day 11. Pipe down there!
Delivered today ...
Eleven pipers piping, 11@2427.60 (up 3.0% on 2010), ten Lords-a-leaping, $4766.70, nine ladies dancing, 9@$6296.03, eight maids-a-milking, 8@$58, seven swans-a-swimming, 7@$6,300, six geese a' laying, 6@$162.00, five gold rings, 5@$645.00, four calling [colly] birds, 4@$519.96, three French hens, 3@$150, two turtle doves, 2@$125 and a partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99. Total cost to date $1,131,848.60
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
4th January
This is the last straw. You know I detest bagpipes. The
place has now become something between a menagerie and a
madhouse and a man from the Council has just declared it
unfit for habitation. At least Mummy has been spared this
last outrage; they took her away yesterday afternoon in an
ambulance. I hope you're satisfied.
Emily
Day 10. Lord of the flies
Did you know that Lord Byron ...
- - was in love with his half-sister,
- - had a sexual relationship and possibly fathered one of her children
- - was expelled from England for "unnatural acts" with his wife.
- -drank from a human skull found on his estate
- - constantly wore seven waistcoats and a greatcoat to encourage perspiration as part of a regime of violent exercise and fasting
- - was bisexual and had male and female lovers. He thought that men were smarter but women kissed better
- - arriving at Cambridge in 1805, insisted that his college room be outfitted with glasses, decanters and four bottles each of wine, port, sherry and claret. He also brought his pet bulldog
- -had a tortured life and suffered from many ailments including clubfoot, biliousness, cataarh, chilblains, convulsions, rheumatism, constipation, faintness, giddiness, gonorrhea, haemorrhoids, warts and malaria (which eventually killed him off at just 36)
Delivered today ...
Ten Lords-a-leaping, $4766.70 (no change on 2010), nine ladies dancing, 9@$6296.03, eight maids-a-milking, 8@$58, seven swans-a-swimming, 7@$6,300, six geese a' laying, 6@$162.00, five gold rings, 5@$645.00, four calling [colly] birds, 4@$519.96, three French hens, 3@$150, two turtle doves, 2@$125 and a partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99. Total cost to date $552,572.50
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
30th December
As I write this letter, ten disgusting old men are
prancing abour all over what used to be the garden — before
the geese and the swans and the cows got at it; and several
of them, I notice, are taking inexcusable liberties with the
milkmaids. Meanwhile the neighbours are trying to have us
evicted. I shall never speak to you again.
Emily
Day 9. Lead a merry dance
Did you know that ...
- - A male dancer lifts more than one-and-a-half-tons worth of ballerinas during a lifetime of performances
- - Morris dancing is a form of English folk dancing dating back 500 years to celebrate the passing of the seasons, harvest time and fertility
- - Winston Churchill was born in the ladies toilet during a dance
- - In northern Italy, Karina Trangeled organizes dance parties for people who like to dance with their dogs!
- - According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the largest ballet class involved 989 participants in an event organized by Andrew Warth in Canal Walk Shopping Centre, Cape Town, South Africa, on August 24, 2008.
- - The New York City Ballet presents around 50 performances of The Nutcracker each year. Approximately 50lbs (23kg) of paper confetti falls on to the stage to create the snowstorm
Delivered today ...
Nine ladies dancing, 9@$6296,03 (no change on 2010), eight maids-a-milking, 8@$58, seven swans-a-swimming, 7@$6,300, six geese a' laying, 6@$162.00, five gold rings, 5@$645.00, four calling [colly] birds, 4@$519.96, three French hens, 3@$150, two turtle doves, 2@$125 and a partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99. Total cost to date $252,452.75
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
2nd January
Look here Edward
This has gone far enough. You say you're
sending me nine ladies dancing; all I can say is that judging
from the way they dance, they're certainly not ladies. The
village just isn't accustomed to seeing a regiment of
shameless hussies with nothing on but their lipstick
cavorting round the green — and it's Mummy and I who get
blamed. If you value our friendship — which I do less and
less — kindly stop this ridiculous behaviour at once.
Emily
Day 8. Bringing your milkshake to the yard
Did you know that ...
- - Milk and milk products are thought to protect against tooth decay
- - It takes 10lbs (4.5kg) of milk to make a pound of cheese, 21lbs (9.5kg) of milk to make a pound of butter, and 12lbs (5.5kg) of milk to make a single gallon of ice cream.
- - In many part of the US, milk STILL gosts more than gasolene by volume
- - Despite its creamy texture, milk is 85-95% water
- - It takes about 345 squirts of a cow's udder to produce one gallon of milk
- - Milk would not be frothy without its protein content
- - Dromedary milk contains six types of fatty acids such as lanolin acid, which helps control wrinkles and condition skin tone
Delivered today ...
Eight maids-a-milking, 8@$58 (no change on 2010), seven swans-a-swimming, 7@$6,300, six geese a' laying, 6@$162.00, five gold rings, 5@$645.00, four calling [colly] birds, 4@$519.96, three French hens, 3@$150, two turtle doves, 2@$125 and a partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99. Total cost to date $195,788.48
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
1st January
Frankly, I think I prefer the birds. What am I to do with
eight milkmaids - AND their cows? Is this some kind of a
joke? If so, I'm afraid I don't find it very amusing.
Emily
Day 7. Not quite the sawnsong
Did you know that ...
- - swans are the only birds that the males have a penis
- - male swans take parental responsibility for raising the cygnets
- - swans can fly as fast as 50 to 60 miles per hour
- - the mute swan's neck has 23 vertebrae, more than any other bird
- - geese mate for life and will stay together throughout the year
- - an Irish teenager had his leg broken in 2001 by a swan he was teasing. The following year another person had their arm broken.
- - before European explorers reached Australia, it was believed all swans were white. Dutch mariner Antounie Caen was the first to see Australia's Black swans at Shark Bay in 1636
Delivered today ...
Seven swans-a-swimming, 7@$6,300 (up 12.5% on 2010), six geese a' laying, 6@$162.00, five gold rings, 5@$645.00, four calling [colly] birds, 4@$519.96, three French hens, 3@$150, two turtle doves, 2@$125 and a partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99. Total cost to date $97662.24
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
31st December
Edward
I thought I said no more birds; but this morning I woke up
to find no less than seven swans all trying to get into our
tiny goldfish pond. I'd rather not thinks what happened to
the goldfish. The whole house seems to be full of birds - to
say nothing of what they leave behind them. Please, please
STOP
Your Emily
Day 6. Given the Bird
Did you know that ...
- - geese eat between 1 and 5 lbs ( 500g 2,500g) of grass per day
- - geese produce about 1-2 lbs of waste per day
- - geese average about 5 goslings per year
- - geese weigh 20 to 25lbs (10-12kg)
- - geese mate for life and will stay together throughout the year
- -there are 129 people in the U.S. listed on whitepages.com with the last name "Goose"
Delivered today ...
Six geese a' laying, 6@$162.00 (up 8% on 2010), five gold rings, 5@$645.00, four calling [colly] birds, 4@$519.96, three French hens, 3@$150, two turtle doves, 2@$125 and a partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99. Total cost to date $26,781.12
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
30th December
Dear Edward
Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door this morning, it certainly wasn't six socking great geese laying eggs all over the doorstep. Frankly, I rather hoped you had stopped sending me birds — we have no room for them and they have already ruined the croquet lawn. I know you meant well, but — let's call a halt, shall we?
Love Emily
Day 5. All that glisters
"On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ... fiiiiive gooooold riiiiiings!"
Two of the most interesting things about gold: 1) All the recoverable gold in the world, including all that from Eldorado, King Tut, Fort Knox and all yet to be discovered, would fill just ONE Olympic-sized swimming pool, and 2) Almost all the gold on planet Earth was created inside a distant and very ancient star when it went nova and blew up. Only at these temperatures and pressures can enough of the less dense elements be forced together to produce heavier atomic nuclei, the rest formed during neutron star collisions, gamma-ray events and even in black holes!
Most of the planet's gold is way out of reach at the core where it sank on the formation of the then-molten Earth. The stuff that we can get at was delivered by asteroids slamming into the planet during the late heavy bombardment.
The reason we revere gold so much is probably because it is one of the most boring metals on the planet: it doesn't rust or degrade and it's practically useless as a building material.
But, it does appear in pure form in nuggets or grains in rocks, it can be beaten so thin as to almost one-atom thick, and it's bright and shiny like the sun, which is what some ancients actually thought it was.
Gold normally doesn't dissolve in acid and this fact led to the term "acid test": nitric acid DOES dissolve silver and other base metals so if something gold and shiny dissolved in nitric acid, it was most likely to be a fake!
Today, the biggest consumers of gold are the electronics industry, coloured-glass production, gold-leaf schnapps and Detroit rappers!
Delivered today ...
Five gold rings, 5@$645.00 (DOWN -0.8% on 2010), four calling [colly] birds, 4@$519.96, three French hens, 3@$150, two turtle doves, 2@$125 and a partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99. Total cost to date $12,904.56
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
27th December
Dearest Edward
The postman has just delivered five most beautiful gold rings, one for each finger, and all fitting perfectly!
A really lovely present! Lovelier, in a way, than birds, which do take rather a lot of looking after. The four that arrived yesterday are still making a terrible row, and I'm afraid none of us got much sleep last night.
Mother says she wants to use the rings to "wring" their necks. Mother has such a sense of humour. This time she's only joking, I think, but I do know what she means.
Still, I love the rings.
Bless you,
Emily.
Some Useful Links
-
8 Insane Gold Products
Since gold is notoriously insusceptible to acid, then most of the gold in these products is destined eventually to drop into a different sort of pan.
-
Gold Panning in the Black Hills
If you want to go gold panning, remember that nature has done the hardest part of your work for you. Don't take it seriously.
-
15 Most Impenetrable Bank Vaults
Check out what extremes countries — and some private companies — will go to keep the deposits and valuables of their clientele absolutely protected
-
The Gold Rush
The timeline of how Gold Fever gripped a nation and spawned a whole list of films on IMDB
Other stuff
Day 4. Can't eat any more
Christmas Dinner has been defined as the meal that takes four hours to cook and 14 minutes to eat. Certainly it is perhaps the most calorific meal eaten in the Western World.
No surprise then that people's minds turn to diets almost immediately after.
According to the U. S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) Americans spend an estimated $60 billion a year on all types of diet programs and products, including diet foods and drinks.
But perhaps Socrates had the right idea: "The rest of the world lives to eat, while I eat to live."
Other diet related quotes include:
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again" — George Miller
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." — Ellen Degeneres
"A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit." — Anonymous
"Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake." — Anonymous
"I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge" — Paula Poundstone
"People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas" — Anonymous
"I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat" — Jennifer Greene Duncan
"I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short" — Shelley Winters
Incidentally, a Colly Bird is a blackbird. Colly comes from the old word for coal and is linked to colliery.
Delivered today ...
Four calling [colly] birds, 4@$519.96 (DOWN 13.3% on 2010), three French hens, 3@$150, two turtle doves, 2@$125 and a partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99. Total cost to date $4,839.78
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
28th December
Dearest Edward
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly, they make telephoning almost impossible — but I expect they'll calm down when they get used to their new home.
Anyway, I'm very grateful, of course I am.
Love from Emily
Some Useful Links
-
Different Diets
Looking for a different way to shed those spare tyres? All the diets you need are right here. Fat chance?
-
Dangerous diets to avoid
Not included in this list: The Carrion Diet, The Razor Blade Diet, and the Harrods Diet (that's the one where you eat all your meals in Harrods Restaurant, most effective if you can't afford their prices)
-
The 8 Most Unusual Weight Loss Diets
Check out these bizarre diets from around the world and get thin the wacky way!
-
The Raw Food Diet
One word of warning, because we've radically altered our gut flora by cooking our food for centuries, a completely raw food diet will kill you!
-
The Cabbage Soup Diet
Please stay downwind from me ...
Other stuff
- 25 Of the Most Ridiculous (and Ineffective) Popular Diets
- Eat your liver clean
- Diets for Senior Dogs
- 13 Ridiculous and Dangerous Diets
Day 3. The Real Meaning of Xmas
The British comedy writer Frank Muir described Christmas as a commercial festival with religious overtones. This is reflected in the fact that everyone heads to the shops immediately after Xmas Day to buy all the things they'd never dream of buying if they weren't 50% off in the sales.
Today is the feast of St Michael, the patron saint of refunds, traditionally the day when people queue up to get the money back on that suede toast-rack that Auntie Doreen gave them.
Of course internet sales are fast challenging the High Street. The best bargains online include ...
Your Virtual Squeeze at Cloud Girlfriend
cloudgirlfriend.com/
A toad with a coin in its mouth
ebay.com/itm/W221-JUMBO-XL-LUCKY-CANE-TOAD-body-w-coin-Australia-WEIRD-
A Kangaroo Scrotum keychain
ebay.com/itm/w4-30-KANGAROO-SCROTUM-keychain-WEIRD-balls-key-ring-taxidermy-ball-fun-gift-
A Steve Jobs' Memorial Website for $10m and other items
www.itworld.com/
Boxes full of nothing for $1,140
theage.com.au/technology/technology-news/
Start as you mean to go on
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/NEW-HUSBAND-VOODOO-DOLL
Hummer full electric street-legal car
ebay.co.uk/itm/Hummer-full-electric-street-legal-car-
Presumably, she's the sports exhaust
ebay.co.uk/itm/2004-AUDI-S4-QUATTRO-CABRIOLET-SILVER-SPORTS-EXHUAST-
"I couldn't put £15 MILLION for some reason"
ebay.co.uk/itm/yacht-192ft-
Delivered today ...
Three French hens, 3@$150 (no change on 2010), two turtle doves, 2@$125 and a partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99. Total cost to date $1,379.97
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
27th December
My darling Edward
You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It's a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we'll find some.
Anyway, thank you so much; they are lovely,
Your devoted Emily
Some Useful Links
-
The Best Time to Buy Anything
I say, I say, I say. What is the secret to finding the best deals on everything from airline tickets to a car? Timing. (that joke doesn't really work when it's written down)
-
People say the funniest things
rd.com/jokes/cust-service-jokes/
Reader's Digest have compiled a short section on the customer-sales relationship, to wit: 'One woman raved about the rides at our water park, but she did have a valid complaint: "The water in the wave pool tastes horrible!" '
-
How much?
If you have an aged relative who's always complaining how expensive it all is these days, use this handy tool to find out how right they are. A companion tool on the same site allows you to see how badly you would have been paid in 1867.
Other stuff
- Drink for the little lady?
- Too soon to buy that new iPad?
- Valentines: It's the thought that counts
- Market Stalls "will save High Street shops"
Day 2. Is this Christmas or not?
Good King Wenceslas rings up a local pizza restaurant to order a pizza.
"Certainly your majesty" says the manager "will it be your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?"
The reason that most people remember Wenceslas is because of the carol which details how he looked out on the Feast of Stephen and helped out a common bloke gathering winter fu-el. Good for him.
However, if you're Czech, then you probably know the back story: the carol is based on the life of the historical Saint Wenceslaus I, Duke of Bohemia (907-935), known in Czech as Svatý Václav.
The thing is that Wenceslas didn't just do this on December 26, he is supposed to have done this every night, rising from his bed and tramping around local churches in his barefeet — "and only one chamberlain" — giving alms to widows, orphans, "jailbirds" and those afflicted by every difficulty, "so much so that he was considered, not a prince, but the father of all the wretched", writes the chronicler Cosmas of Prague, in about the year 1119.
This went down so well with the early church that several centuries later Pope Pius II declared the legend fact and recreated the event by himself walking 10 miles in the ice and snow without his Nikes!
Okay, this is all very well, but think of the poor chamberlain being dragged from his bed to trudge around after a sleepwalking, philanthropic nutjob every night!
Of course if you're in the UK, Ireland, Australia or Canada, then December 26 — the day after Xmas — is better known as Boxing Day.
Some sources will tell you this story about this being the day when the Victorian middle and upper classes gave the staff the day off — okay, 15 minutes or so — and let them open their gift boxes, containing a lump of coal, some consumption and an orange.
However, we now know that this is actually the festival of St Tyson of the Third Round, which commemorates the day when families traditionally erupt in festive arguments and nuclear meltdown and start beating each other up.
Boxing Day is a public holiday in the UK and Ireland. Think of it like Thanksgiving but without a list of films on IMDB.
Delivered today ...
Two turtle doves, 2@$125 (up 25% on 2010) and a partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99. Total cost to date $494.98
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
26th December
Beloved Edward
The two turtle doves arrived this morning and are cooing away in the pear tree as I write. I'm so touched and grateful.
With undying love, as always,
Emily
Some Useful Links
-
British Xmas Traditions
As well as telling you about Boxing Day in the UK, this site selling British culinary "delights" also relates the story behind crackers. By the way, "Shoppe" is pronounced "shop" (/SHÄp/)
-
Boxing Day Sport
Sky Sports - BBC Sports - Sporting Life - NZ Herald
For mean (and women) in former British colonies, Boxing Day is traditionally associated with sport, sport, sport. Football, racing and cricket are particularly popular, depending on where you are in the world. For myself, I don't really get most sport, except for F1 which is on its winter break, so I'll be giving this bonanza a miss.
-
The Christmas Truce
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_truce
When the England vs Germany football rivalry REALLY began?
-
100 Recycled Bicycles = 1 Weird Christmas Tree
A fine example of Tree-cycling!
Other stuff
- Good King Wenceslas: life & the carol
- YouTube: Bing Sings Good King Wenceslas
- 10 Strange Xmas Traditions
- Photographing your Xmas tree (and tiny dog)
- Alternative uses for Xmas lights
- Xmas movies that aren't
Day 1. And so it's the Big Day
Okay, so you've probably been awake now since at least 5am ... if you have children. It is after all a festival for kids and all that adults have to console themselves with is endless food and booze, a stream of TV repeats and re-runs and heated arguments with the in-laws.
The Christmas Day festival itself pre-dates the Christian era, marking the Winter Solstice — a collective sigh of relief that the sun has reached its lowest point in the sky, that the days won't get any shorter and that spring and summer will come around again. Salvation indeed.
For rural peasants in northern Europe it was also time to slaughter all but the best breeding stock because otherwise there was no way to keep them alive until the spring. That meant a glut of meat — no reliable deep freezers in those days, of course — and the best of the vegetable crop following harvest. So what better way to keep your spirits up ahead of three months of snow, frost and storm, than a big party?
Indeed such a beanfeast was a hard act to follow so early Christian missionaries to Europe's pagan hoardes decided to turn it to their own ends. What better than to celebrate the birth of the founder and turn it into a birthday celebration?
Today also marks the end of pre-Christmas sales advertising and the beginning of post-Christmas sales advertising. Look out for new campaigns for holidays, furniture, New Year booze and above all diets!
In the UK, 1.8 million couples will be contemplating divorce today, with a 50% jump in calls to relationship counselling service Relate. Derek Bedlow, managing editor of InsideDivorce.com, said: 'Basically, Christmas is a nightmare for anyone with even a remotely shaky relationship. There are just so many opportunities for things to go badly — from rowing about which in-laws are coming to dinner, to disappointing presents, to discovering a loved one has misbehaved at an office party. It's a relationship minefield."
Earlier this year divorce lawyers in Australia reported a steep rise in divorce petitions citing Facebook and other social sites.
Happy holidays!
Delivered today ...
A partridge in a pear tree, 1@$184.99 (up 14.2% on 2010)
courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index
In reply ...
25th December
My dearest darling Edward
That partridge, in that lovely little pear tree! What an
enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you and thank you.
Your deeply loving
Emily
Some Useful Links
-
Christmas: The Catholic Perspective
The skinny on Christmas as dictated by the Roman Catholic church. For example, did you know that in Olde England, Christmas was forbidden by Act of Parliament in 1644; the day was to be a fast and a market day; shops were compelled to be open; plum puddings and mince pies condemned as heathen. The conservatives resisted; at Canterbury blood was shed; but after the Restoration Dissenters continued to call Yuletide "Fooltide".
-
Christmas Day in Australia
How do you celebrate a festival traditionally associated with snow, ice and freezing temperatures when it's mid summer? Turkey on the beach in Speedos, that's how
-
12 days of Christmas — helping Catholics practice in safety?
About.com delves into an urban legend of religious persecution
-
Beware — Christmas Day can be dangerous
How clumsy Kiwis cost insurer $1.9m with festive injuries
- Seniors stage Christmas flashmob at Target
- Shop sells kosher Christmas candy
- Quiz: How much do you know about Christmas?
- Make Your Own Adornament
- Gallery: Christmas Around the World
- How to find out you'll only be keeping half of your Christmas presents
Other stuff
No wonder Santa only comes once a year
Santa Claus — also known as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle or simply "Santa" — is a figure with legendary, mythical, historical and folkloric origins who, in many western cultures, is said to bring gifts to the homes of good children during the late evening and overnight hours of Christmas Eve, December 24.
According to figures from the U.S. National Research Council Panel on Transitions to Adulthood in Developing Countries, around a fifth of the world's population (1.2 billion individuals) are aged nine or below and therefore explicitly entitled to a visit by Santa.
Even allowing for an average worldwide density of 2.2 children per household that means that every Christmas Eve Santa must land his sleigh, get down the chimney, fill stockings, redistribute the remaining presents under the tree, get back up the chimney, re-board his craft and safely move away some 546 MILLION TIMES in 31 hours, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth.
Add to that the fact he must abandon a visit if he finds the child awake and return later, the total number of individual visits is around 14.6% more or 626 MILLION in total.
That works out to 0.0017827476 SECONDS PER VISIT. Or it would, if every house in the world were on the same street. Taking into account the distances involved in large regions like the Pacific Ocean and the Australian Outback, the average distance between homes is more like 97.6 miles or around 157.1km, meaning that the total distance to be covered in 31 hours is 60 BILLION MILES or 98 BILLION KILOMETRES.
The good news is that Santa won't be challenging the laws of physics here and can make the journey at just one third of the velocity of light or C, the ultimate speed limit of the universe. A final calculation, taking into account travel time gives Saint Nick a cool 0.0000891373 SECONDS PER VISIT.
And on top of this, there's a mince pie or slice of cake and a glass of sherry to down at every household.
No wonder he only comes once a year!
Some Useful Links
-
NORAD Tracks Santa
When not tracking incoming North Korean missiles, falling Russian space junk or Vogon invasion fleets. The North American Aerospace Defense Command — jointed run by the USA and Canada — puts your tax dollars to good use — keeping an eye on Father Christmas as he delivers presents to all the boys and girls.
-
The Atkins Diet
With an emphasis on proteins and an aversion to carbohydrates as typified by foods such as cakes and mince pies, the Atkins diet may be of use to Santa the rest of the year to shed all those pound gained on Xmas Eve.
-
A look at Santa Clauses from around the world
This infographic shows how Santa is a truly international phenomenon [link removed at site's request]
-
Heave Ho Ho Ho
Did Australian women really feel insulted by Santa?
- 70,000 Santas Invade Moscow
- Santa: Holiday Hero Or Horrible Lie
- Quiz: Name Santa's Reindeer in 2 minutes
- 25 Crappy Santas
- YouTube: World's creepiest Robot Santa